Jamey

My name is Jamey and I am only four,
My stepmom must hate me,
otherwise why would she lock me up
in the basement, behind cupboard doors?

She leaves me in there for hours at a time
It is so dark and scary, I could loose my mind
I cannot get out to go to the bathroom so
I have to pee and poop on the other side.

When she finally comes back to let me out
she pulls down my pants and beats my bare bottom with a belt
because I have left a big mess
and let the bad smell out

She locks me away in the bathroom, attic and basement
well away from staff's prying eyes
She leaves me alone in my misery
I don't let her see the fear or know that I cried

As I grew older, the abuse did not end
I was put in a childs home for bad boys with problems
Child abuse, sexual, verbal, bashings and bullying,
does this kind of hurting ever end?

These boys care was provided by the State
Their folks did not have the money to pay.
I was paid for by my rich parents to keep me away
from my stepmom who would hurt me if I stayed.

Where was my father and what has he to say?
Why was he quiet, surely he was aware that something was amiss
Was his love for his new bride more important than me
Why didn't he stand up and protect me from this?

I was not allowed to play with my brothers and sisters
or go out to play with the other kids on the block
I had to stay home and play all alone,
I read lots of books and played with my blocks

Or I was given some pocket money and dropped off down town
I went to the movies and spend the whole day there
Playing in the arcades, watching one movie after another
in solitude and away from my sisters and brothers

When I came home at vacation
My dad, stepmom 2 older brothers
and 3 stepsisters drove away
I was left at home and was not taken.

I was devastated, overwraught and overcome
My heart was broken, my spirit nearly broken
I cried out to God why has this happened
As my mind was completely shattered

What did I do wrong to make my stepmom hate me like this?
she drove out her eldest daughter away from the family
out from the house, no one speaks of this sister,
it's all a great mystery, secret as if she didn't exist

I am now an adult, and they have never been charged
this has been silent abuse that went on for years
Their rich friends and neighbours did not know I existed
you may think I am OK now - yet there are still scars

Amanda Martin-Shaver ©

Dedicated to my husband James Shaver.